First things first, let me announce that
🕶️ Tint Your Glasses Rose
Being a cynical arsehole is bad for my writing. Not only does it drain my energy, but it also pollutes my output. Too often, I find myself giving time and brainspace to the small frustrations in my day, and it bleeds through into my prose.
The opposite is also true. Optimism makes my writing more fun, and being in a positive mood fuels my flame.
This thought process brings up two questions:
- How can we become more grateful in the moment?
- How can we use these feelings to become better writers?
1. How can we become more grateful in the moment?
Memento Mori: Think about death all the time
That’s one of the leading philosophies on how to remain present. The theory goes, that by regularly reminding ourselves that our time here on this mortal coil is limited, we’ll naturally feel more grateful for being alive in the present.
It’s a Stoicism tenet, as discussed in this Medium Article “Dissolving Our Fear of Death”.
I mean, sure. It works. But that concept feels a little too close to ruminating on the many terrible occurrences that could potentially end our lives earlier than we plan. Cancer, car accidents, freak food-blender mishaps, untreated syphilis…. The list is endless and bleak.
Keep a gratitude journal.
Phil Stutz talks about Gratitude Flow, a visualisation process. Think about what makes you grateful and visualise it filling you up like a balloon, turning you into a big bouncy legend.
I started doing this back in 2018 with my first Bullet Journal, and though I’ve kept up a daily journalling practice, I must admit my ‘Three things I’m grateful for’ has slowly morphed into ‘Here is a rambling paragraph that lists all the things that annoyed me today’.
But, while it worked, it was effective. At the end of every day, you list three things you’re stoked about. They can be as trite as ‘the light turned green as I approached the intersection so I didn’t have to slow down’, or ‘my friend shouted my meal this evening because they know I’ve had to pay a large tax bill’. The one rule is that you can never list the same thing twice.
Over time, as you dig deeper for more obscure causes of gratitude, your brain chemistry changes to be on the lookout for any strokes of good fortune. When they occur, you recognise them and acknowledge them, and soon your entire day is filled with reasons to be grateful.
Meditate
Meditating is a mission for me. I get so damn bored with nothing but my own breathing and constant inner talk. I know that’s the whole point though, so I gave it a go. A couple of years ago, I did 100 consecutive days of meditation. And guess what? I didn’t notice any difference in my mindset.
Meditation has too many trustworthy adherents for the benefits to ever be in question. It simply just works. It makes you more present, balanced, and calm … and turns you into the perfect person apparently. Here’s a step-by-step guide.
Maybe one day I’ll get back to it…
My favourite:
Find what gets you off
My gf Julia loves espresso coffee. Despite very rarely finishing an entire cup, she adores the process of having the cup nearby. Her love of it is partly ritual-based, and she looks forward to the walk to the cafe as much as drinking the coffee itself.
My bff Sophie loves mall massages. She knows that for her, whenever she’s feeling sore, stressed or restless, the price of a massage (massages are expensive in NZ) and the frustrations of driving and parking at the mall are worth it.
Another of bffs Lydia loves hot sauce. She upends the bottle on every single meal, even at breakfast. When we go out, it’s always her first question to the wait staff. When we go somewhere and they have sriracha on the table, she’s the happiest girl in the place.
Find what it is that turns you on, and do it — as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody (if you like pulling the ponytails of little girls, maybe don’t do that). If you’re good to yourself and ensure you do the thing that turns you on regularly, you’ll naturally be grateful and happy.
What does gratitude or happiness have to do with writing?
2. How can we use these feelings to become better writers?
Look back on the last five years of your life. Ask yourself the simple question: What made me happy?
Don’t think too hard. The memories will come automatically because these feelings of achievement and love tend to make their mark. The mark deepens and becomes clearer over time. What felt huge at the time might now evoke a mere shoulder shrug, while what felt like nothing at the time might feel huge now.
Once you’ve got a few memories (I recommend writing them down), consider them. What are the common threads in these memories? Do a lot of these memories feature the same person or persons? Do a lot of these memories revolve around a certain sport, a certain food, or a cultural event?
For most of us, very little of these happy memories will be about the act of writing. In fact, none of my happiest memories feature writing. The act of sitting alone and making things up isn’t inherently exciting or memorable.
Does that mean that writing is less worthy of your time? No, because:
The release of finished projects is memorable. Hugely so. Our release for A Rockstar Has Exploded was a blast this year (admittedly, I didn’t originally want to do it. I wanted to release it as an ebook only but my pal Sophie pressured me and I’m glad she did).
And:
Finished projects pay memory dividends. You can celebrate the feeling of finishing a project a million times over. For the rest of my life, I can look back and feel proud and happy about publishing a book. Putting in the time now is worth so much more than simply finishing it. It’s the joy of having the project finished that will compound over time.
This last weekend, I got an ‘On This Day’ memory of a film shoot I did six years ago with friends.
Watch ‘Jack and Joni’ below.
Later, looking through an old hard drive, I found an entire folder of photos from another film shoot with a different set of friends.
Suddenly hours had passed. These memories — and how much they mean to me — reminded me that I love collaboration and teamwork more than writing alone.
If I want to be a happier writer, I need to collaborate more. And I think a happier writer is a better writer.
I’d be fascinated to know what your memories are and what lessons you glean from considering the commonalities in your memories, so please get in touch! Hit Reply to this email. I read every reply.
Second Shout-Out to ‘Jack and Joni’
The film referenced higher up in the newsletter.