🍋 When Life Gives You Lemons
Over the last month, life has thrown a couple of curveballs my way.
First, following the move from New Zealand to the United Kingdom, I fell for an apartment scam and lost £1100.
Second, I spilt water on my laptop and completely killed it dead.
And third, I’ve been dealing with consistent acid reflux as part of a suspected stomach ulcer brought on by a common-yet-relatively-unknown bacterial infection called Heliobacter Pylori.
Before you feel too sorry for me, I assure you it wasn’t all gloom. I spent the last month traipsing around Portugal enjoying the sun and the ocean, the cobbled streets and pastels de nata, the company of my beautiful, supportive partner and drinking too much coffee and red wine (especially for someone with a healing ulcer). It was pretty amazing.
But despite my blissful surroundings, the roadbumps still got to me. I found the persistent acid reflux most frustrating. It was like a toothache or having something in your eye. It was always there, annoying me, shortening my temper.
I complained a lot. Then I’d apologise for complaining and try my best to be positive.
The thing about ‘being positive’ is that it’s a mental trick that works mayyyybe half the time. It’s not a silver bullet solution. Simply choosing to be happy doesn’t mean you’re suddenly cured of all sorrow.
I wasn’t writing. I wasn’t able to market my upcoming release (An Actress Is Missing - available now!). I wasn’t able to sleep properly.
Then, I figured out a brain hack that kicked me back into action.
⚽️ Create An Imaginary Coach
The idea is simple:
Think about a person you admire and imagine them coaching you.
It can be absolutely anyone. A loved one who’s passed away, a celebrity crush, a mentor from work, even a fictional character.
Choose a few. Right now, in your head, as an experiment. Come on, I’ll do it with you.
I’m gonna choose…
- Ethan Hawke
- My Uncle Ian who died when I was twelve and who I loved very much
- Ken Follett
- Seth Rogen (weird, why did I think of him?)
- and just so my list isn’t entirely white dudes from real life, a fictional character from a job I’m working on right now, a stern Samoan woman who’s a firm-but-fair teacher named Mareta.
Now, your turn. Choose five. Either write them down or hold them in your head.
Next, take a few seconds to imagine them in the room with you. Sitting next to you or standing in front of you.
Think about what they’d ask you. How would you answer? How would they respond to your answers? Would they be proud of your choices and behaviours? Would they be hard on you, or would they be gentle?
Think about how you feel when you tell them, with barefaced honesty, details about your life. Is there a specific thing that makes you feel embarrassed to admit? Perhaps there are some achievements you’re itching to show off?
For me, I use my Imaginary Coach all the time. When I’m lying in bed debating whether I have the energy to get up and write, I imagine Ethan Hawke sitting next to my bed saying. “It’s up to you, of course it is, but I know you got it in you,” he says. “You’ve done it plenty of times, and you’ll do it plenty more. You can rest today if you want — you deserve a rest. But man, I know you got some words in there dying to come out.”
That gets me up.
If I don’t feel like going out and seeing friends for a meal, I conjure Imaginary Adam Sandler.
“Friends are the coolest,” he’d say in a stupid Billy Madison voice. And then I’ll be excited to go.
Okay, now you. You actually have to do the exercise. I’m not going to continue until you’ve done it.
Done it?
Okay good. Let’s move on.
🏋️♂️ Choose Your Personal Life Trainer
Which Imaginary Coach felt right?
You’ll know when you’ve found a winner because you’ll feel a burst of inspiration or motivation when you think about them talking to you. This is your new Imaginary Coach.
For the next week, any time you’re unsure what to do, ask your Imaginary Coach and see what they say. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to imagine their responses. This is because your subconscious knows more than you think it does.
Your subconscious has been ticking away in the background your whole life, taking in information and processing stimuli in ways you’re unaware of. Exercises like this are like back alleys that allow us to peek into the surprising workings of our unconscious minds.
You’re a creative person (I know that because you subscribed to this newsletter and have gotten this far reading it), so you’ll find that conjuring an imaginary character, even if they’re based on a real person, and creating a dialogue with them comes easy to you.
Your Imaginary Coach can be conjured whenever you want, for any purpose. You’re free to take their advice or flat-out ignore them. But I promise, if you bring your Imaginary Coach to life in your mind a few times over the next week, you’ll find yourself giving yourself surprising advice.
🍜 Take the Advice
Sometimes the advice we need is not normally the advice we’d give ourselves. We are our own harshest critic. We’re also wilfully blind to most of our character flaws.
By enacting your Imaginary Coach, you’re stepping outside of your ego and seeing your situation from afar. You’re tricking yourself into both giving advice to someone else and receiving advice from someone else (even if the ‘someone else’ is really just you in disguise).
The upshot is that you view your situation with more honesty. The hard things you don’t want to hear? Your Imaginary Coach won’t hold back.
Likewise, the nice things you’re too modest to think about yourself? Your Imaginary Coach has no problem gassing you up and telling you how amazing you are. Let them!
It’s easy to conk out and choose the easy route when it’s only yourself you’re letting down. But it’s a lot harder when it’s Ethan Hawke and Adam Sandler egging you on.
Cast your Imaginary Coach and take their advice for a week. You’ll be glad you did.
📣 Shout Out to my pal Kendyl
Kendyl’s a friend of mine who recently finished reading A Rockstar Has Exploded. We had brunch together on Sunday morning and she told me all her favourite parts.
It made me so excited to hear about the story and characters from another perspective. It really made it feel like a real thing. Which, of course it is, but it’s easy to think of our work as somehow ‘lesser than’ when seen in the wild.
Thanks for your support, Kendyl! Love you!