👋 Hello wordnerd!
Recently, I’ve been trapped in my editing dungeon. No windows and no sunlight—only my trusty computer screen to keep me company. The blue light has transformed my delicious summer brownness into a sickly pallor, almost like an anti-tan.
Having said that, I did manage to spend a record-breaking amount of time with friends. Genuinely, I spent almost every evening with a pal.
Every week, I look back over how I’ve spent my time and I consider whether I’ve been productive enough. I’ll ask myself if I’ve spent too much time watching Netflix or scrolling social media, or if I’ve spent too much time (and money) on cafes and coffee.
Quite often, I feel guilty about the amount of time I spend dining out. A casual brunch can easily turn into giggle session that spills over two or three hours.
Recently I moved to a new living situation. I’m now a five minute walk from SIX different bubble tea joints, and I’ve slipped into the habit of indulging in bubble tea every single night.
How on earth can one justify such behaviour? Not just the time or expense, but the sugar intake? It can’t be healthy, can it?
🧋 The Philosophy of Small Joys
What is Success? It’s different to everyone. I could dedicate years of my life to writing the Essential Guide to Men’s Briefs: How To Get Your Gentlemen’s Member Looking Striking and Lumpish. I would come to you, face shining with pride, and present a 2000 page tome for you to read.
Chances are, you’ll think I wasted my time. But here I am, feeling proud.
The point here is everybody’s feeling of success and contentment or success is measured differently. We only experience life through our singular autobiographical perspective, and yet we chase the same meagre selection of goals.
Worse, these popular goals have been widely purported to leave one with a feeling of emptiness by those who achieve them.
Beware those who chase:
Fame. Money. Broad sex appeal.
Okay, maybe not that last one. Chasing broad sex appeal sounds like a worthy venture.
How do we avoid pursuing achievements that won’t make us happy? Unfortunately, it’s unavoidable. We are fallible and basically dumb, and the sheer amount of stimulus out there has convinced us that we all need to attain as much as we possibly can.
And while we all understand we shouldn’t spend our entire lives amassing fame, or money, or sex appeal, I think we all agree that it’s healthy to desire a little bit of these things.
But let’s reframe fame as ‘admiration from peers’ or even ‘respect’. That’s healthier.
While it’s healthy to desire a healthy balance of those three pillars, we must ensure there’s enough room in our lives for other interests.
A lot of people don’t have other interests, but you probably do because you signed up for this newsletter. You probably like books, or stories, or you simply signed up to support me in this publishing journey in which case your interest is—oh my gosh, I’m blushing—me.
📊 Measuring a Life Well-Lived
I decided a long time ago to prioritise time with friends over work.
But even though I decided this years ago, I still slip up. Sometimes I need to pay rent, which leads to working, which leads to over-working, which leads to neglecting social time.
The slippery slope is too slippery.
How many times have you heard about people lying on their death bed and saying, “I should have worked longer hours”?
Never.
It’s typically, “I should have spent more time with those I love.”
More typically for women, the refrain is, “I should have lived my life for me instead of constantly placating those around me.”
There’s a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying which gives you a nice kick up the arse. Highly recommended.
Your Life Metrics might be different to mine.
You might want to win an Olympic medal or climb Mount Everest or get the world record for Most Anal Beads to Exist Inside a Person.
That’s groovy. I support you. When yearning for greatness, people must eschew such worldly trappings, and sadly relationships can fall under that category. If you have a goal of grandeur, you must be prepared to sacrifice.
I’m not that guy.
As much as I want to write books and make films—and as strenuous and consuming as these vocations are—I also want to look back and think, I made time for friends. I stopped working at a reasonable hour some days. I laughed a lot and spent too much money on bubble tea.
Whenever I feel like bailing on a meal with a friend, I think about those poor dying people and their regret, and I think, Ew I don’t want to be like them.
That’s how I justify having bubble tea every night.
Plus, it’s yummy.